Saturday, 3 March 2012

Ambivalence

Hi blog. Today is a really bizarre day for me.

I see average students getting straight As and brilliant students not doing as well as expected. & I felt unfair for them because they have been working so hard as well.

It's funny how you're always better and suddenly, you're just okay.

My GP grade suck. I thought I would be sadder than what I'm feeling now though.

Now that the results are out, I hope that everyone can successfully find and settle in a place where they will be truly happy in.

Success and happiness are oftentimes perceived to be synonymous. But that is only 50% true. I used to be a strong believer of materialism; like I don't need anyone, just need to be a super capable woman, that will do.

However, as I grow, this belief diminishes.

When you are going through tough times, no amount of money can buy you any remedy that is better than the support and unrequited love from your family, friends or lover.

That's what I'm deprived of. I never felt loved. Not from my family - busy parents who think that I can handle everything single-handedly (I don't see how they can help me anyway). Not from my friends - I am HIGHLY dispensable. Not from lover - non-existent.


It's alright, it's alright; tough times are temporarily over.


& you bet, I will be the last person to take love for granted.

Reflecting on today, I do feel a little loved when Daniel didn't resist/flick me away when I clung onto him and squealed moments before The Revelation.

Thanks, my brother.

//edited
I hate it because I can't genuinely feel happy for my friends who did better than me without the element of jealousy. Being truthful, truly a bitch.

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